brokenndowninside

'if u see us in the club, you'll be acting real nice. if u see us on the floor, you'll be watching all night.. we aint here to hurt nobody, (so give it to me,give it to me)wanna see you work ur body. (so give it to me,give it to me)'
wahahahs.. so long never blog le.. dunno why i chose to blog back here again. kekes. now im working admin at a jewelry shop, mon - sat. BUT! today i not feeling well so came back early. ^^ now im better, im back to watchin MTVs on youtube. =D blah blah blah. im missing my sweetie. >.< 1 WHOLE WEEK NEVER SEE HIM! kekes. break record. but its okay, things gotta stay this way. =) tml is saturday!~ im only working half day till 2pm on every sat. so i guess i'll be browsing for books to study den meet him at night.
feel so upset, every morning i take bus to the mrt going to work, i see so many pple my age going to school at the poly. and this morning i even saw my pri sch fren studyin in NYP. o.o he mus be in yr 2 le ba. i am so so so so so so behind everyone and this feeling sux.
work is fun so far, the pple there are nice. at least towards me. i've learnt how to recognise gemstones of some kinds, learnt abt the many grades of diamonds, learnt how to do simple admin stuffs(which i've never learnt in my whole life & i feel stupid), learnt how to string pearls together(its reallie tough!), learnt how not to join in gossips, how to be humble and learn as much as i can. all these were not taught in the classroom. i learnt how to accept pple's 'kindness', accept that the nature of human is like that and also learnt how to 'entertain' pple. i honestly dun know whether should i continue in this line, this company instead of going back to study in the polytechnics. they are offering to send me for courses if i intend to stay long. i dun noe. barely there for a month, i cant make a decision yet. wads more, i've registered to retake my o levels. let life decide for me.
like i've said, i'm retakin my o levels but i couldnt find any night classes to take me in. been running ard like idoit tryin to get myself registered into a night class. yongshu oso companied me through the 'journey'. she noe wad i went through. >.<> GOOD) tenyrseries and study at night on weekdays after work. most probably will meet yongshu at least once a week to study together. thinkin of it makes me feel excited. i'll be SO SO SO busy. kekeks. and ben will be in army. =) no choice, i've got to get used to the life whereby im only allowed to see him on weekends when he book out. so i started last week. =p im gettin by alright, jus missing him alot. i guess the same goes for him. cant wait for tml to come faster! ^^
out of a sudden, i realised that we've been together for 2 yrs and more. time flies. kekeks. whoever said that mushy stuffs will be absent from long r/s? aint gonna let it happen to mine. =D i love it when he cheers me up mushily,(lols) playin crazily like 2 lil kids. i like it when his face turns sour and gets jealous over silly things. =) and adding to it, he is now a botak head! wahahahahas. lols. i noe i shouldnt laugh but it's reallie funny. cute though. kekeks.
got something to share. something i saw on the bus and took it down on my phone. lols. on the bus, i saw this fat biatch(i noe i shouldnt use this word) came up the bus.. wordings on her shirt.. at first i though it was gonna be like "i have a jealous boyfriend(which i doubt she have one) or stuffs like that.. taking a closer look, i saw "i had a bowl of bitchiness(or bitch i cant rmb) for breakfast". ha ha. i can imagine myself telling her "i can see that on ur face but i had the biggest bowl of violence this morning for breakfast. wanna try?"
now u noe why i used the word biatch.i swear i wasnt feeling down or upset or anything negative. =pit was jus a simple MONDAY morning and i was on my way to work. ^^
ciaos.

i've been so busy i haven got time to blog and i apologize about it. i've got tons of things weighin on my mind now.

i got my results in feb and i failed my c.sci and POA.
english - 3
maths - 3
chinese - 2
c.humans - 6
c.science - 7
POA - 9

failing my sci meant that i couldnt enter any polys bcuz most courses require 5 o level passes and i can only manage to pass 4. i applied for JAE(joint admission exercise) and oso the DAE(direct admission exercise), writing letters and such for ben and myself. at first, i was only worried bout ben not being able to enter a poly bcuz the courses offered to me even though i didnt like em, (all IT courses) i didnt mind. all that matters to me was he can enter any poly or course. working from mon to sat, he wouldnt even have time to apply for anything, much less to see if anything's to his liking. he didnt have much choice. but now, it seems to me that even for me, i couldnt enter poly as wad i expected. i was complacent. all the courses offered to me, for some reason i couldnt get in. i was devastated when i received my JAE letter. i broke down in tears at home. in the presence of my parents and ben. i couldnt care less. not being able to enter poly does not only affect me but my parents too. how will they think of me? they wouldnt understand even if i bothered to explain. until today, when i spoke to tim on msn, talkin to him makes me feel hopeful and at least if i reallie couldnt get into any poly, i can jus go ITE. den he said 21 points go ITE v wasteful. i couldnt care much. den i told mum and dad. at least they were quite supportive and not blame me. mum said i could apply for AMK ite if i wan. i am reallie glad that they could understand and not blame me for not being able to go poly even though my dad mention something about not studyin hard enough. tml im going to republic poly with yongshu to try my luck. wish me luck ok? i will blog after all these trouble are over with pictures. ^^

friends are angels to guide you when u're lost.

i cried when i first saw this mtv.
SHE - wo ai ni.

i love this song.
bai se hun li.

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Tonight
Insight
When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight.

Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

I'm holding on your rope,
Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

I'd take another chance, take a fall
Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat
But it's nothin new
I loved you with a fire red
Now it's turning blue, and you say...
Sorry like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late

Bridge (guitar/piano)

It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah

I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...

all the followings are photos taken during my days working at hangten. more to come. kekeks.
started on 7thDEC, quitting on 10FEB. ^^ will miss those days working.

crazy us after work. lols. my collegue(shze ling) and mi.

i wan to kiss her. kekeks.

neat ma? im obsessed with foldin nice clothes. ^o^

im in-charge of this pile of clothes. SEE! so NEAT! wahahahahas.

happie FEET!

its kinda hard to see something on promotion so neat lors!

tank tops - minimum 3pcs $4

our nextdoor neighbour - kaili. pretty rights? ^^

tank tops yet again.

yes our pretty neighbour again.

stupid blonde. wahahhaas. my frenx put wig on me. ^^

lols. i did this and sent it to my darling to make him laugh. lols.

i look like a siao charboh. lols. crazy at work!

peek-a-boo!

slacking my life away.

i apologize for not bloggin since i started work. i reallie had no time. i have so much to complain about. workin is like a daily routine for me now, but i jus went for the exit interview ytd morning. all these started on 6th Dec.

i went for interview at the headoffice. started work nx day. workin was enjoyable, in fact fun for me in the beginning. my colleagues at that outlet are real friendly. helpin me out of diff spots. if not for them, i would have broken down alot of times. i have a 1001 things to complain about, but i shall jus focus on the impt parts. my toes start to numb from all the standin. my right foot's biggest toe is numb for almost 1 wk. and 1 month after i started workin, i start to appreciate foldin clothes nicely. REALLIE! and i realised that it takes more than jus foldin to fold a stack of clothes. especially u will witness customers rummagin thru the huge stacks of clothes u jus folded neatly half a min back and could do nothing bout their rude behaviour. but i learnt that good service is impt. now, everytime i enter any selling floor of any shop, i expect good service like wad i provide to pple. i dun reallie get it everywhere. its like crap. u work for the whole day, expect a smile or at least the basic courtesy from those servin u, u get bullsh*t. now i understand. i learnt to be a good customer too. i respond to good sales asst who bothers to serve me and thus will be extremely careful in handling the clothes they sell. i wanna tell everyone readin my blog. to irritate the salesperson who refuse to serve u, RUMMAGE THROUGH THE CLOTHES HE/SHE JUST FOLDED! if not, dont ever do that. the salesperson will be more than happie to help u instead of u messing up the stacks of clothes. wad got me most pissedd off was this malay lady. she came to our store one day and bought a pair of jeans, plus alteration. i told her 7 workin days, she paid 2 bucks and went off. i rmbed clearly. dateofpurchase: 21stDEC . she came back on 27, sayin that she wans her jeans, and that she wont be ard these few days. calledd my manager, he told me to get a new one and bring it to basement and get it altered by tml. so i told her, "u'll get ur jeans tml, mdm" i paid 5 bucks to get that bloody jeans altered, bcuz i didnt noe festive season was suppose to wait 2 wks for the jeans. SO, the nx day she came back and tried the jeans. den u noe wad??? SHE SAID IT WAS TOO SHORT! i kept blamin myself that it was my fault when i measured it, thats why it was short. THEN! today i went for the trainin and realised that i was right in measurin the length. back to it, i didnt noe wad to do, my boss wasnt ard, so i jus kept apologizing. she measured it was the correct length. so she guessed it was my fault in measurin it wrongly! then my in-charge came back and took over. i stood beside him, v v v v v v pissed off but i didnt show it. it was until she said that my in-charge should teach his staff how to take measurement and that she wanna write feedback to the company. I WAS SO PISSED I WAS AFRAID I MIGHT JUS KILL HER THERE! den i couldnt bear with it animore. i went into the store and burst.

another thing that made me hate this job was this salesmanager in charge of almost all the HT stores in spore. she looks like a phillipine maid and she's one hell of a bitch. im jus a temp customer sales associates so i DUN get to enjoy RO(replacement off-days) for workin on public holidays. my in-charge didnt noe and so he wrote on the schedule that i have so many off days. he got screwed by that salesmanager when she suddenly came down to our outlet. i was so mad at her that i think it has jus reached my limits. it adds on to this incident, whereby on 2jan, dear's uncle havin chalet so i tot jus take off on 2jan. handy(my in-charge) gave me off le, that salesmanager cancelled it. FINE! i ask handy try talkin to her again. no use, she said it was a public holiday. FINE! on that day itself, she sent an email to our outlet sayin that all store-in-charge and 2nd in-charge are not supposed to be off on 2jan. SO! i ask handy, "only SIC and 2ndSIC cannot off, i can off right?" den he say ya. I WAS LIKE WTH! den i asked den why she didnt wanna give me. he jus replied, "simply bcuz she doesnt wan to." and u noe wad, SHE DID NOT GRANT ME OFF DESPITE ME LYING TO HER THAT I BOUGHT AIRTICKETS TO MALAYSIA FOR MY GRANDFATHER'S DEATH ANNIVERSARY! imagine i reallie did buy tickets to malaysia. WHAT A BITCH. i will be back to continue tml. TML'S MY OFF! =p

ytd, shixian, darren, zhiwei and i went down to orchard buy swensen's cake to celebrate yongshu's bday. can see she's reallie suprised.. ^^ den after that, took a cab down to dear's hse. early this morning he go work le. all alone at his hse, i feel like im wastin my time away. quite saddening to see everyone else ard me to be workin and im like wastin time away. reach hm ard 5 plus, online. chatted with chonglin and toby. chonglin in NS and toby goin in soon. NS is a killer! was talking to toby bout dance, den everything in the past like come back to me. hais. i never wanted something so badly. but i dun wish to let history repeat itself. i wanna go back to dance, but i dun wan to be the subject of gossip like b4. toby told me that its all in the past, that ive got to move on & dun keep lookin back into the past but im jus afraid of the same thing repeating again. hais.

give me a reason to give up dancing.

im tugging at my hair,
im pulling at my clothes.
im tryin to keep my cool,
i know it shows.
im staring at my feet,
my cheeks are turning red.
im searching for the words inside my head.

cuz im feeling nervous,
tryin to be so perfect,
cuz i know u're worth it,
u're worth it.
yeah.

if i could say wad i wanna say,
i'ld say i wanna blow u.. away.
be with u everynight,
am i squeezing u too tight.
if i could see wad i wanna see,
i wanna see u go down on one knee.
marry me today.
guess im wishing my life away..
with these things i'll never say.

Nickelback - this is how u remind me.
now its 2:30pm and i jus woke up. blah wad a pig.couldnt slp last night. after winning bout 7 bucks from my bro from poker,i tried to slp at 3am. my bro snoring away, i still couldnt slp.puff a few sticks, still couldnt slp.dunno wads wrong. den finally gave up, start to pack my sec sch books.the piles of books-cum-comics beside my bed is finally cleared.i dread to think of clearing my table. >.<>

kristie calledd this morning and woke me up.she forgot to bring the application form benji filled up for me.asked for my particulars and such.it feels great to noe that there's a job waitin for u.(please dont reject my application!)if i got it, i'll be a nurse! haaz!jus bcuz i'll be workin at clinic.*imaging the pay....................lols.i was suppose to wake up at 8 today to company mummy to sumwhr.end up,her naggings and the alarm couldnt wake me up.ate dou jiang you tiao. its been so long since i ate you tiao!should i clean up my room, clean up xiaomao's cat litter or jus waste the time online?i'm jus passing time, waitin for evening. ^^ tml is yongshu's bday!and today, shixian calledd me last night sayin tat today they celebratin yongshu's bday at orchard. cuz she workin at topshop ma.10.30 at orchard. sians.. so much time to spare till 10.30pm..i guess i better go clean up my room b4 my mum goes crazy.(its been messy before o levels begins.) =D
ciaos.